How My Relationship with Writing has Evolved

Over the years, we change a lot as people. But we also don’t change so much. Exhibit A—this letter I wrote to Santa in 1993 (all spelling and grammatical errors kept on purpose):

“Dear Santa,

I want a sega CD, and some NES Nintendo games, also Jurassic park toys, help Somalia people and Russia people and also Africa people, I also want a movie, My mom wants some earings, and my dad wants tools, my brother David wants a poster, and my brother Chris wants a sega, And please let it snow two feet high in Tom Bean, I’ve been trying to be good, and I want MONEY, and help me make a BOOK.

your 8 year old friend

Jonathan Jordon”

(yes, I misspelled my own last name, what can you do?)

What’s curious about this letter is I know for a fact I didn’t believe in Santa at this point, so I’m pretty sure it was a school assignment, else I would not have entertained the idea. But it shows how I’ve both changed and NOT changed as a person:

• While I no longer care about video games, I do still care about oppressed people.

• My children make the perfect cover story for playing with dinosaur toys to this day.

• Wishing for two feet of snow in North Texas is not only outlandish, it’s nothing I would want now because snow means ice and power going off, which means stuck inside with no internet. No thanks.

• I still want Santa to bring me some money. I’ll never say no to that.

• And hey, thanks Santa! Because I DO get to make books on the regular.

I’m sure eight-year-old me thought writing books meant I’d be rolling in dough. Heck, eighteen-year-old me thought the same. Twenty-eight-year-old me was close to giving up on the dream of professional writing altogether. And thirty-eight-year-old me was finally a full-time writer.

Which goes to show my relationship with writing has evolved a ton over the years. Here are the biggest areas of growth which I think will be helpful for any aspiring author/professional writer.

Be less DIY

So much of where I am today is thanks to a DIY spirit I owe to my handyman father. I taught myself how to playwright, then I taught myself how to screenwrite, then I taught myself how to edit and do book formatting, etc. etc.

The problem is I got a bit addicted to the DIY methodology. I figured I had to learn the hard way, by teaching myself, by doing, not actively learning from others. But learning from others is essential to accelerating the process.

I became a better screenwriter once I sat down and started reading screenplays. I learned good prose and editing in a college course called Expository Writing. And now I throw in some writing books into the mix of my self-development to pick up ideas from others.

Many of us fall into the myth that writing is solitary. But it shouldn’t be…not if you want to accelerate your success. Join a writing group. Find accountability partners. Go take a class. Listen to writing podcasts like “How I Write” or “The Shit No One Tells You About Writing.”

Be less precious

This idea holds true in many aspects of writing, but particularly with receiving feedback.

We writers can be awful precious with our own writing…emphasis on the word “awful.” We will join writing groups, expecting nothing but praise, but then when people point out flaws or helpful suggestions, we defend, defend, defend, and then maybe even go on the offense.

I used to be terribly precious about my own work. Any criticism beyond a typo or grammar correction was a personal offense. “They just don’t get it,” I’d say in my mind, while I nodded my head to placate them.

But good writing means learning to kill your darlings. It means being receptive to helpful feedback and taking it to heart. While you don’t have to accept all feedback (especially if it’s mean-spirited), if one reader picks up on a problem, chances are it will happen again.

Over time, I’ve learned to be less defensive, less precious with my work. I don’t take every note I’m given—it’s still my work. But I at least take it into consideration to ask, “What’s the underlying concern and how might I address it without changing the plot point I want to keep?”

It’s made a world of difference and made me a better self-editor.

Be less absolutist

I used to be far more absolutist and judgmental when it came to both reading and writing. I believed such myths as:

• “Listening to books doesn’t count as reading.”

• “Self-publishing means you’ve given up.”

• “Fiction is real writing. The only nonfiction that counts is poetry and memoir.”

Experience in the field has taught me to broaden my views and be less judgmental of how others choose to grow as writers:

• “Listening to books totally counts because it’s more time-efficient and some people are auditory learners.”

I fall into this last camp. I always assumed I was a visual learner, which is partly true, but when it comes to books, I actually digest and retain info better if I’ve listened to it. Makes sense given my work as a ghostwriter also requires high listening skills.

• “Self-publishing is a viable route for writers who want more control over their publishing timelines, rights, and royalties.”

I’ve only self-published as a means of experimentation and teaching myself editing, so I don’t really market any of my self-published titles. But I’ve seen it be a viable route for a number of independent authors who have gone on to sell more copies of their books than many traditionally-published authors ever do. Some traditionally-published authors have even chosen self-pub for certain projects (Jane Friedman has talked about this on her blog, too).

Becoming less absolutist has also made me wary of the writers out there who say “self-pub” is the only way to go nowadays. You have to always remember: What works for you may not work for everyone. And that’s okay.

And finally, I’ve come around to believe:

• “All writing is real writing. Journaling, news reporting, blogging, social media post writing, ghostwriting, greeting cards, fiction, nonfiction.”

Why do we want to limit other writers—or ourselves? The more we open the door to what counts as writing, the more wins we can celebrate.

That’s not to say all writing is good writing. Examples abound of bad fiction writers, bad journalists, bad ghostwriting, bad poetry (like mine), bad greeting card writers. But this has nothing to do with the medium—just the resulting words on the page/webpage.

Some resources for evolving your writing…

I know as I write more, my relationship with writing will continue to evolve. It’s why my writing now is better than it was a year ago…or sometimes even a day ago depending on what new tip I’ve picked up. The key is to always be evolving, always growing. Writers who stagnate never get anywhere. Assuming you know everything you need to know or that you’ve reached your peak skill is poison.

I see this when aspiring authors lament, “Why is my work so bad? Should I just give up?!” Of course not. Keep writing. Keep learning. Keep evolving. Even if you have some natural talent, no one starts off as a great writer—and no one does it alone.

To accelerate your evolution, get into a writing community. Read (or listen to) books on writing, like Stephen King’s On Writing or Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird. Here are some additional ways I can help you more directly:

• If you’re struggling with Writer’s Block, consider getting a copy of my book PurgaStory: 5 Strategies for Escaping the Hell of Writer’s Block, available in print, ebook, or audiobook.

• Book a free 20-minute Q&A here.

• Or if you know you’ll need more than 20 minutes, then how about a full hour of book coaching here?

Did this help you? If so, consider becoming a subscriber to the ForWord Writers Newsletter where we share more specific examples of how this tip looks in both nonfiction and fiction!